Earlier this week I came across a movie I recorded titled The 19th Wife on Lifetime that premiered 9/13/10.
This movie takes place in a secluded contemporary polygamist community ran by "The Prophet." After hearing about his mom's imprisonment for shooting his husband, the protagonist, Jordan, returns to this community despite his banishment several years back. He visits his old friend, a female named Queenie; their friendship was the reason for his banishment.
Jordan visits his mother in jail, where she swears she did not kill her husband. Though hesitant, Jordan,- with the help of Queenie- hunts for the identity of his father's murderer. At the same time, Queenie is dealing with her marriage as the first and ONLY wife thus far to her husband, Hiram. Hiram and Queenie insist to the Prophet that she remain the only wife. Meanwhile, she is secretly reading a book "from the outside" that chronicles the life of a wife who escaped the polygamist community. As she reads this, she realizes she doesn't want this life for her daughter or for herself.
At the end, we discover it was Hiram that shot Jordan's father. He did this as a result of the Prophet ordering him to take Queenie to Jordan's father's to be made into his woman. Hiram's love for Queenie was so deep that he chose to shoot Jordan's father than to see his wife as the wife of another man.
I have never believed in polygamy. To be honest, it was mostly because of the sexual aspect of such a life. There are few more disgusting things I can think of than my husband having sex with another woman right next to my room, then coming into my room to ask me for the same thing and then continuing with the following girl. The fluid transfer and the sloppy seconds for the rest of my life would be something I would not be able to bear; simply put, I find it gross.
But seeing this movie, I realized there is so much more wrong with polygamy than bad sanitation.
The psychological and emotional strains that women in this type of lifestyle suffer is incredible. Wives support each other and each help with the daily chores, but they are all rivals. They must all fight for their husband's time and their husband's money. Not only can they not have peace at home ( for there is no way of getting privacy in a house of over 19 wives and each with at least one child) but they also cannot get peace of mind.
In addition to this, wives suffer emotional pain as they see their husband bring home more wives, they see how they are being replace by younger, more attractive and fruitful women. This can be specially difficult for the first wife. Living as only one man and one woman, the arrival of another wife, of another person for the husband to spend time with, to have sex with, and to have other children with is a fact that can break down even the strongest woman in this type of community.
Personally, I would NEVER be able to accept this type of life. If I am giving myself completely to ONE man, my husband, then I expect my husband to do likewise. In my mom's point of view, why would any man want more than one wife to nag at him?
Monday, October 18, 2010
When we are little, the thought of a monster under our bed can keep us up at night. For some people, that fear never goes away.
Personally, I find an amazing thrill in being scared or, better said, startled. Ghost stories and monsters are old folk tales that have been popularized by Hollywood. But if at the age of forty people still get frightened by such tales, is there a part of us that think these thing really DO exist?
I, for instance, can easily sit thought a ghost, monster, or witch film, but when you add children and toys to the mix, I will honestly admit that I want my mommy to watch over me while I sleep.
My brother took us to a quinceañera about three weeks ago. On the way to my boyfriend's house, they were talking about spirits, evil animals, and oddly realistic witch stories (and Egypt!). Though this was somewhat spooky, I did not feel scared at all. And on the way from David's house, my brother kept talking to me about these things, but this time it included toys.
When we were little, our grandma and cousins told us that toys would wake up in the night and dance about. And the stories that they would tell us about porcelain and smurf dolls seem so plausible that, to this day, toys featured in scary stories is just absolutely terrifying to me. Just hearing my brother talk about it was enough to ask my mom if I could leave my graduation teddy bear in her room.
And seeing children in movies is equally frightening. Though I did not find The Ring to be a scary movie (or a good one, at that!) the fact that it featured a child as the evil character was enough to make me look away at times. Of course, no matter how scary a child is in a scary movie, nothing can keep me away from playing with my little sister and my darling baby nephew.
We all have (physical, tangible) phobias. For some, it's snakes, for others it is clowns, for me it is toys that can choke you and kill you at night.
But WE are the ones who choose to let these things scare us; I believe this is so because no matter how often people tell us that ghosts don't exist, a part of your childish imaginations still believes they do.
Personally, I find an amazing thrill in being scared or, better said, startled. Ghost stories and monsters are old folk tales that have been popularized by Hollywood. But if at the age of forty people still get frightened by such tales, is there a part of us that think these thing really DO exist?
I, for instance, can easily sit thought a ghost, monster, or witch film, but when you add children and toys to the mix, I will honestly admit that I want my mommy to watch over me while I sleep.
My brother took us to a quinceañera about three weeks ago. On the way to my boyfriend's house, they were talking about spirits, evil animals, and oddly realistic witch stories (and Egypt!). Though this was somewhat spooky, I did not feel scared at all. And on the way from David's house, my brother kept talking to me about these things, but this time it included toys.
When we were little, our grandma and cousins told us that toys would wake up in the night and dance about. And the stories that they would tell us about porcelain and smurf dolls seem so plausible that, to this day, toys featured in scary stories is just absolutely terrifying to me. Just hearing my brother talk about it was enough to ask my mom if I could leave my graduation teddy bear in her room.
And seeing children in movies is equally frightening. Though I did not find The Ring to be a scary movie (or a good one, at that!) the fact that it featured a child as the evil character was enough to make me look away at times. Of course, no matter how scary a child is in a scary movie, nothing can keep me away from playing with my little sister and my darling baby nephew.
We all have (physical, tangible) phobias. For some, it's snakes, for others it is clowns, for me it is toys that can choke you and kill you at night.
But WE are the ones who choose to let these things scare us; I believe this is so because no matter how often people tell us that ghosts don't exist, a part of your childish imaginations still believes they do.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
It's really funny when you exist in your own tiny community where you think you live at the top of the world. You're the best looking girl in school, the smartest student in class, the most talented performer in church or the funniest person in your group of friends. But when you step out of your school, classroom, house, or imagination and realize you're NOT the best, it can be devastating. And it could be equally heart breaking when someone better than you steps inot what you thought was YOUR world.
My junior year in high school I audition for SCVA Honor Choir. This is a choir for which hundreds of students throughtout all of Southern California audition for. It is a rather demanding audition that requires various musical skills. By some chance of luck, I was accepted into this choir.
Back at Valley High School, I was one of the most knowledgeable musicians: intervals, chords, arpeggiated chords, transposing music into a different key. But being with these new Southern California faces and musicians, I quickly realized that, though I may be the most knowledgeable in my music theory class of 30 or 20 something students, there was an entirely different world outside of building 16-1...a world where there are millions of musician better than me. Realizing this was refreshing but somewhat of a blow.
And having someone else, someone better, step into your perfect little world can be just as hard to deal with. After a year of being at the top with art song, SCVA Honor Choir, private voice lessons, and the lead of the musical, it was hard to see a better singer step into this world of mine. I discovered that all the talent I thought I had was nothing more than herd work, experience, and seniority, traits that will just not cut it in music. A new student came into our choir/ musical theater class. What took me three years of work took her less than a semester to accomplish. Everything I once had was then all hers.
In the world there is always someone better than you and that's a fact of life we all have to face.
I'm not perfect, not even in a single area of life. I'm only 18 and I have a lot of growing to do. There is a world outside MY world; when I finally explore this world and I know how to deal when I discover someone who is better than me, I know I will be the best inspiration for a student I have yet to teach, the perfect wife for the love I have yet to marry, and the best mother I can be for a child that has yet to be created.
My junior year in high school I audition for SCVA Honor Choir. This is a choir for which hundreds of students throughtout all of Southern California audition for. It is a rather demanding audition that requires various musical skills. By some chance of luck, I was accepted into this choir.
Back at Valley High School, I was one of the most knowledgeable musicians: intervals, chords, arpeggiated chords, transposing music into a different key. But being with these new Southern California faces and musicians, I quickly realized that, though I may be the most knowledgeable in my music theory class of 30 or 20 something students, there was an entirely different world outside of building 16-1...a world where there are millions of musician better than me. Realizing this was refreshing but somewhat of a blow.
And having someone else, someone better, step into your perfect little world can be just as hard to deal with. After a year of being at the top with art song, SCVA Honor Choir, private voice lessons, and the lead of the musical, it was hard to see a better singer step into this world of mine. I discovered that all the talent I thought I had was nothing more than herd work, experience, and seniority, traits that will just not cut it in music. A new student came into our choir/ musical theater class. What took me three years of work took her less than a semester to accomplish. Everything I once had was then all hers.
In the world there is always someone better than you and that's a fact of life we all have to face.
I'm not perfect, not even in a single area of life. I'm only 18 and I have a lot of growing to do. There is a world outside MY world; when I finally explore this world and I know how to deal when I discover someone who is better than me, I know I will be the best inspiration for a student I have yet to teach, the perfect wife for the love I have yet to marry, and the best mother I can be for a child that has yet to be created.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
For centuries, humans have attempted to achieve perfection. But perfection is not only impossible; it does not exist.
What is individual perfection: eternal beauty? Unfortunately, we all decay. The fountain of youth is yet to be discovered. Extreme intelligence? Like the rest of our bodies, our brains will be the food of worms. A charming, likable personality? We must remember that the reason why somebody loves us is the exact same reason for which somebody hates us.
Or is it that when we strive for perfection we are seeking universal or communitarian perfection? A utopia: no starvation, social equality, protection. But when we think about what we have to give up to reach this utopia, this perfection is no longer perfection.
To reach a state of no starvation, perhaps, that may mean smaller ratios. Nobody would die of starvation, but maybe we'd always be hungry.
To reach social equality, that would mean giving up our individuality. What makes us unique would seize to exist: our intelligence, our looks, our talents, our personality, our spirit. All this would have to be lost. And when all this is lost, are we still humans or are we mere machines?
To reach protection, past giving up our luxuries of cell phones and computers for communication and sharing of knowledge, we'd have to give up our ability to think and question. Is this a price worth paying for life longevity? In Orwell's words, "Ignorance is strength."
To create a utopia, we must seize our control in our own lives. Our minds must belong to a small group of people trusted to tell us what to think. But what about those people? If they are above the utopia, that means THEY are not perfect, so why would we trust our lives in their hands?
Perfection is not only impossible, it does not exist. But if this is so....what awaits for us in heaven?
What is individual perfection: eternal beauty? Unfortunately, we all decay. The fountain of youth is yet to be discovered. Extreme intelligence? Like the rest of our bodies, our brains will be the food of worms. A charming, likable personality? We must remember that the reason why somebody loves us is the exact same reason for which somebody hates us.
Or is it that when we strive for perfection we are seeking universal or communitarian perfection? A utopia: no starvation, social equality, protection. But when we think about what we have to give up to reach this utopia, this perfection is no longer perfection.
To reach a state of no starvation, perhaps, that may mean smaller ratios. Nobody would die of starvation, but maybe we'd always be hungry.
To reach social equality, that would mean giving up our individuality. What makes us unique would seize to exist: our intelligence, our looks, our talents, our personality, our spirit. All this would have to be lost. And when all this is lost, are we still humans or are we mere machines?
To reach protection, past giving up our luxuries of cell phones and computers for communication and sharing of knowledge, we'd have to give up our ability to think and question. Is this a price worth paying for life longevity? In Orwell's words, "Ignorance is strength."
To create a utopia, we must seize our control in our own lives. Our minds must belong to a small group of people trusted to tell us what to think. But what about those people? If they are above the utopia, that means THEY are not perfect, so why would we trust our lives in their hands?
Perfection is not only impossible, it does not exist. But if this is so....what awaits for us in heaven?
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Marriage
Marriage has always being a very strange, interesting thought for me. Since I was little until about the time that I was in high school, I, my parents, and my parent's friends told me not to get married. I was always persistent to the idea that I wouldn't.
For as long as I can remember, I've been very independent and focused on the goals of my future, I used to think marriage was an unnecessary distraction from the dreams I had. My parents have been together for about 23 years but they are not legally (or happily, at that!) married. In fact, as far as I know, most of my parent's friends are not legally married. Most have been with their partners for a good number of years but the only thing that seems to bind any of them are their children.
I used to think this was the norm. That even if you're not legally married, that fact that were living with your partner AND had children (after living together for a while) gave you the total right to call your partner your "spouse." Well, actually, I still think the above; the difference is that now, I don't want that to be MY norm.
While at my parent's friend's wedding this weekend, as I watched the couple of 8 years about to become (officially) husband and wife, I realized with more certainty than ever that I some day wish to be married.
At the tender age of 18, I realize it may sound like I don't know what I'm talking about when I say that. Truth of the matter is that I probably DON'T fully understand what it means to be married...but I think I have a (or some) good idea(s):
----Being in love does not guarantee a happy marriage. It guarantees a flame, a passion, but not the eventual lack of common ground. People are constantly changing, even when they're "grown ups." It is important to be able to distinguish mutual love from mutual interests [does that make any sense??? It does to me =)].
----As my dad says, marriage is not just about sleeping warm at night. What I take from this, is that there are problems a marriage has to face, some problems will deal with the couple against the world, others will deal with the marriage's survival, and others will deal with spouse vs spouse. And taking my dad's comment somewhat out of context, I believe it is important for a couple to ALWAYS sleep together. No matter what has gone on in the day (of course, with the exception of extreme conditions such as adultery or domestic abuse), I believe the bed of a married couple is one of the most vital pieces of furniture in the house.
----Sex is important in a marriage. It should definitely not be the focus of a marriage, but the mutual love and the covenant of marriage makes sex the most (or at least one of the most) intimate, soul touching experience that a marriage needs to survive.
----There are other things, but this is it for this time!
For as long as I can remember, I've been very independent and focused on the goals of my future, I used to think marriage was an unnecessary distraction from the dreams I had. My parents have been together for about 23 years but they are not legally (or happily, at that!) married. In fact, as far as I know, most of my parent's friends are not legally married. Most have been with their partners for a good number of years but the only thing that seems to bind any of them are their children.
I used to think this was the norm. That even if you're not legally married, that fact that were living with your partner AND had children (after living together for a while) gave you the total right to call your partner your "spouse." Well, actually, I still think the above; the difference is that now, I don't want that to be MY norm.
While at my parent's friend's wedding this weekend, as I watched the couple of 8 years about to become (officially) husband and wife, I realized with more certainty than ever that I some day wish to be married.
At the tender age of 18, I realize it may sound like I don't know what I'm talking about when I say that. Truth of the matter is that I probably DON'T fully understand what it means to be married...but I think I have a (or some) good idea(s):
----Being in love does not guarantee a happy marriage. It guarantees a flame, a passion, but not the eventual lack of common ground. People are constantly changing, even when they're "grown ups." It is important to be able to distinguish mutual love from mutual interests [does that make any sense??? It does to me =)].
----As my dad says, marriage is not just about sleeping warm at night. What I take from this, is that there are problems a marriage has to face, some problems will deal with the couple against the world, others will deal with the marriage's survival, and others will deal with spouse vs spouse. And taking my dad's comment somewhat out of context, I believe it is important for a couple to ALWAYS sleep together. No matter what has gone on in the day (of course, with the exception of extreme conditions such as adultery or domestic abuse), I believe the bed of a married couple is one of the most vital pieces of furniture in the house.
----Sex is important in a marriage. It should definitely not be the focus of a marriage, but the mutual love and the covenant of marriage makes sex the most (or at least one of the most) intimate, soul touching experience that a marriage needs to survive.
----There are other things, but this is it for this time!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
A couple days ago I was going through some of my old stuff that I stubbornly refuse to throw away. (I'm an organized pack rat who loves to hang on to the most minuscule memories.) And I ran across a list I made sometime when I was in jr high. This list was a ridiculous list of a tween (me!) with all the traits she looked for in "the perfect guy." I finally got rid of it because it was just so embarrassing to read these unbelievable thoughts that were so innocent, but I remember some of the traits listed: athletic but not an all about sports guy, smart but not a nerd, sensitive but manly, color eyes, taller than me but not too tall, friendly, and other traits I can no longer recall.
I like to think I've grown up a lot since then. Unlike the girl then who was yearning to have a boyfriend, I actually have a boyfriend now, and I have to say, he is rather far from the "dream guy" I described to myself over 5 years ago. He is not very athletic. The only sport he plays is tennis and that's mostly (though not only) b/c I dragged him with me one day and he ended up having fun. But I can beat him in a match any day. He is very intelligent but he is very nerdy! (Something that I actually like a lot now.) He is sensitive as well, but he does not fit my jr high idea of "manly." Color eyes? Brown. Taller but not too tall? Well, depends on what "too tall" is. What do you call a half a foot difference in height?
It's really funny to think that even at that age I was already thinking of my dream guy, that I created these expectations that guys had to meet, expectations that had almost nothing to do with personality. I think a lot of the reason why this was so was because my best friend at the time was really into magazines, and I had a really fun time taking those obnoxious magazine tests that give you such superficial answers to the superficial questions of love, answers that made me create such a shallow list.
At such a tender age I was already longing for a boyfriend. I often wonder if it was the same for guys. I mean, at that age, were they looking for a girlfriend or did they still want to play toy cars? Did they have a list of what a perfect girl was? If so, was it also a superficial list when we were still going through puberty and the girls around them didn't have hips or bust yet? What was a "perfect girl" to a jr high student just coming out of elementary school?
As I said earlier, I'd like to think I've grown up a lot since then. Though I believe all humans are afraid of being alone, having a boyfriend isn't that big of a worry to me anymore. One, because I actually have one now; two, because I realize that my career comes before I am ready to find a boyfriend that will be a potential spouse; and three, personality comes before superficial answers given in magazines.
I like to think I've grown up a lot since then. Unlike the girl then who was yearning to have a boyfriend, I actually have a boyfriend now, and I have to say, he is rather far from the "dream guy" I described to myself over 5 years ago. He is not very athletic. The only sport he plays is tennis and that's mostly (though not only) b/c I dragged him with me one day and he ended up having fun. But I can beat him in a match any day. He is very intelligent but he is very nerdy! (Something that I actually like a lot now.) He is sensitive as well, but he does not fit my jr high idea of "manly." Color eyes? Brown. Taller but not too tall? Well, depends on what "too tall" is. What do you call a half a foot difference in height?
It's really funny to think that even at that age I was already thinking of my dream guy, that I created these expectations that guys had to meet, expectations that had almost nothing to do with personality. I think a lot of the reason why this was so was because my best friend at the time was really into magazines, and I had a really fun time taking those obnoxious magazine tests that give you such superficial answers to the superficial questions of love, answers that made me create such a shallow list.
At such a tender age I was already longing for a boyfriend. I often wonder if it was the same for guys. I mean, at that age, were they looking for a girlfriend or did they still want to play toy cars? Did they have a list of what a perfect girl was? If so, was it also a superficial list when we were still going through puberty and the girls around them didn't have hips or bust yet? What was a "perfect girl" to a jr high student just coming out of elementary school?
As I said earlier, I'd like to think I've grown up a lot since then. Though I believe all humans are afraid of being alone, having a boyfriend isn't that big of a worry to me anymore. One, because I actually have one now; two, because I realize that my career comes before I am ready to find a boyfriend that will be a potential spouse; and three, personality comes before superficial answers given in magazines.
Monday, September 6, 2010
From about the time we hit puberty and peer acceptance becomes even more important than before, we are often told to not care about what others say or think about us. And many of us live by that motto: I don't care what anyone thinks about me. But is that really true?
Should we not care what our neighbors think? Should we not care what our parents, siblings, family, or teachers think of us? After all, a lot of the previously mentioned hold, to an extent, part of our future in their hands. I, personally, think that it is an exaggeration when someone says, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me." If that is so, why are people so concerned with behaving properly in the particular situations at hand? "I don't want my boss to think I'm irresponsible", "I don't want my teacher to think I'm dumb", "I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm am 'easy.'" Whether we realize it or not, we all care about what AT LEAST one person thinks. So the question, to me, really becomes, how much influence do we let people have upon us?
Does authority, say a boss or a teacher, have more or less influence than a friend or sibling? How much do their opinions affect us and/or change our way of thinking?
From personal experience this weekend, I found that my mom has more influence on me than anybody else, including my boyfriend. How much does her opinion change my way of thinking? It changes it a lot. More than I wish it did. I think I care a little TOO much about what she has to say. And all this came from a shirt.
On Saturday, my boyfriend and I went to the store and I bought a shirt. I thought it was very pretty and my boyfriend seemed to like it, too. I was really excited and I was planning what I could wear with this particular shirt. When I got home and showed it to my mom, she said that it was nice..but wasn't a little tight? That simple question was enough to immediately dampen my enthusiasm for the shirt. The next day I went back to the store and asked for a refund. When I got home, my mom asked me what I ended up doing with it. I told her I asked for a refund and she said she was sorry she had made that comment. She said she would be more careful with what she said to me...I really hope she follows through on that. She also said not to take everything she says to me to heart, that she will make mistakes, too.
Point of the matter is, why did I let her opinion impact my point of view so much? Well, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I can, however, say that perhaps I care a little too much about what people think about me. And I LET others influence me more that they should. My mom won't ever purposely steer me wrong, but she will be wrong. She knows me well..but a lot of our values and views differ. Is it that I'm so open minded that I'll be willing to take everything people say into consideration, or is it that I don't trust my own judgment...?
Should we not care what our neighbors think? Should we not care what our parents, siblings, family, or teachers think of us? After all, a lot of the previously mentioned hold, to an extent, part of our future in their hands. I, personally, think that it is an exaggeration when someone says, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me." If that is so, why are people so concerned with behaving properly in the particular situations at hand? "I don't want my boss to think I'm irresponsible", "I don't want my teacher to think I'm dumb", "I don't want my boyfriend to think I'm am 'easy.'" Whether we realize it or not, we all care about what AT LEAST one person thinks. So the question, to me, really becomes, how much influence do we let people have upon us?
Does authority, say a boss or a teacher, have more or less influence than a friend or sibling? How much do their opinions affect us and/or change our way of thinking?
From personal experience this weekend, I found that my mom has more influence on me than anybody else, including my boyfriend. How much does her opinion change my way of thinking? It changes it a lot. More than I wish it did. I think I care a little TOO much about what she has to say. And all this came from a shirt.
On Saturday, my boyfriend and I went to the store and I bought a shirt. I thought it was very pretty and my boyfriend seemed to like it, too. I was really excited and I was planning what I could wear with this particular shirt. When I got home and showed it to my mom, she said that it was nice..but wasn't a little tight? That simple question was enough to immediately dampen my enthusiasm for the shirt. The next day I went back to the store and asked for a refund. When I got home, my mom asked me what I ended up doing with it. I told her I asked for a refund and she said she was sorry she had made that comment. She said she would be more careful with what she said to me...I really hope she follows through on that. She also said not to take everything she says to me to heart, that she will make mistakes, too.
Point of the matter is, why did I let her opinion impact my point of view so much? Well, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I can, however, say that perhaps I care a little too much about what people think about me. And I LET others influence me more that they should. My mom won't ever purposely steer me wrong, but she will be wrong. She knows me well..but a lot of our values and views differ. Is it that I'm so open minded that I'll be willing to take everything people say into consideration, or is it that I don't trust my own judgment...?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)